Adrian Beltre has fallen and he can't get up.
It was a day like any other. Adrian was moseying on over to the say "what up" to his Uncle Orville who always wore his lucky green poncho. And then tragedy struck. Adrian didn't see the rain tarp and tumbled. Uncle Orville turned away at the horror of seeing his favorite nephew paralyzed, his waving glove frozen in midair. "Hi, Uncle Orvie" quickly turned to "Oh sweet Becheesmus, help me!" because he'd fallen, and things would never be the same.
Adrian's bruised and beaten body remained splayed on the tarp for three days, and his injuries were such that his loving family, the Dodgers, would eventually be forced to send him to an old folks' home in Seattle where he spent his days pretending to fish and wearing sea captain hats made out of folded newspapers with other invalids, patronizingly called Mariners.
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